At some point within the last ten years of my life, shit got really fucking complicated. Also, around the time that shit got really fucking complicated, I didn't realize that shit was getting really fucking complicated.
From this point forward, the phrase "shit got really fucking complicated" will be phrased as S.G.R.F.C, for the benefit of the younger reader, who upon reading this text will see said acronym and mistake it for a Gundam. What is a Gundam you ask? Well, let me try to explain...
Long ago, in the magical year of 1984, there was a show called Voltron. Much like the modern show Hanna Montana, Voltron told the tale of several rapscallion homosexuals who, when they become bored with sodomy, began a quest to harass the legions of Satanical alieniod lifeforms living in parallel dimensions and bathhouses.
Eventually the cyclopian warlords would land on earth and "start fucking shit up like shit had never been fucked ever before" (S.F.S.U.L.S.H.N.B.F.U.B) . Since in the future, all mankind must masterbate with sock puppets several times a day in order to maintain body heat, all of humanity's force's were on RedTube, and thus ill prepared to fend off a legion of demonic warlords, each on the size of a single Disney Store.
So the rapscallion homosexuals donned expensive suits of latex which offered no protection, as well as giant helmets {which, coincidentally made peripheral vision as natural a task as shoving shot glasses full of bison steak sauce up the bleached assholes of 1,000 vegans ). And each one piloted a mechanical lion (all of which really just look like a metal guinea pigs with cerebral palsy and fangs) who would prance all over and nut-knock the enemy like gay fleas with an attention disorder . Then five minutes before the show was about to end, all the mechanized lions who had not been scissor kicked into a black hole would form into the mighty robot Voltron, who wielded a giant electrical sword. Voltron also had many secondary weapons, such as being able to shoot missiles from the lions mouths, beating Christ in checkers, and aggressive end stage tuberculosis. Each show Voltron would use these weapons to "fuck shit up"( F.S.U. )and then sing to a live studio audience about the pains associated with growing up as a teenage girl who's father was a celebrated, yet one hit wonder, country superstar.
to be continued.....
