Fallout 3 is a very GOOD game. It pains me to admit this, but Fallout 3 is not as great a game as I was really expecting it to be in my mind's eye. I'm just throwing around numbers here, but I'd say that most( 75%) of the gamers who were excited for this release.......are probably going to enjoy the game because it is a very good RPG game, and they will probably play it through more than once. The other 25% of gamers will go batshit-insane and burn down all of Maryland. I got the game this morning at 12am, and I played for about 6 hours straight. It's not everything I expected. I have some complaints. I am a little disappointed. Things I call to question include minor details with the interface and the combat system.
All that said, I am having a blast playing the game, and I look forward to many more hours exploring all that this title has to offer. I will be posting a full update on the game in the next few days. In addition I am working on improvising some sort of grading system for the reviews on this site, so stop back often within the week. Thanks!
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Monday, October 27, 2008
Uncharted: Drake's Fortune (PS3)
Somewhere in my brain there exists the memory of my first glimpse of Drake's Fortune. It was in a then fresh copy of Game Informer, and although that issue now lurks somewhere in between the back of my toilet and the bathroom wall (an area I have designated as the "library of the ancients"), my recent venture into the world of the Sony PS3 pushed this long forgotten memory to the front of my mind. Two shitty Wii titles, my old Xbox360 network adapter, and Professor Layton were quickly retrieved from my bedroom (an area I have designated as " a squalid shithole") and I rushed to the local Game Stop (an area I have designated as "that place I burn all my money") to trade the items for store credit. At last Drake's Fortune was mine!
My initial hopes and dreams for this game had always been something like " if LOST and Morrowind fucked and had a baby" which is retarded and makes zero sense, but this is how I thought way back in 2006. The reality is that this game is something like "if LOST and Tomb Raider fucked and had a baby". This is an equally fucking retarded analogy, but more true to the game play involved.
The whole experience of this game cannot be contrived by reading any review, let alone my bad attempts at a humorous one. It absolutely must be played to be appreciated, the full effect of which is difficult to express. There were cut scenes that had me laughing out loud they way I would in a movie, but that comparison doesn't really fit. The style of art and the interface work together so well you will know what it truly means to play a "next gen" game. This is a game that should be setting the mark for every other game out there. An absolute masterpiece.
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Dead Space (PS3)
Survival horror games of all kinds generally have one or two ever prevalent genre related issues. The game is either mind boggling fucked up and horrifying, but the combat sucks, or the game has a great combat system at the expense of not being all that scary.
Dead Space suffers from neither issue. The combat is very good and provides the player with a nice selection of upgradable weapons and armor. While the enemies look a little ridiculous, the feelings of overall dread and terror prevail throughout the entire game. The graphics and the lighting are superb, and the sounds in this game are absolutely astonishing. All in all this game is a must have for any serious gamer.
An Open Letter To Microsoft: GET THESE BALLS
Alright so, I didn't want to have to write this article, let alone find myself in these circumstances. As I've said before, Microsoft's customer service, sucks Donkey Kong nuts. Last Friday, for the sixth time, I called the company's Xbox customer support and learned that once again, Microsoft had cancelled the order to send me the necessary packaging so I could send them the broken Xbox they gave me last year. Not only had they cancelled the order, but the woman on the line actually tried to get my credit card number. Here's how that convo went:
Xbox Customer Service Dummy: "Sir I need a credit card number for the repairs we will be doing to your console."
Me: "I'm not giving you my credit card number . Your company told me one month ago that, because it's an RRoD issue, Microsoft is issuing me an extended three year warranty on my system. So I'm not paying for anything, so you don't need my credit card information."
Xbox Customer Support Dummy: "Oh, ah yes sir I'm sorry about that. Yes you're not required to pay anything for this service."
Me (on this inside): "No shit."
So I told them to just send me an email with the order, and I would find some place to print it out, and then I would ship the console from a UPS store. They told me I would get the email in 24 hours.
Two days later, when I still had not received an email, I called the support line again, and was told that, again, the company had mysteriously cancelled the order. They asked me if I could wait on hold, and I said yes, and then sixteen minutes later, while I was still on hold, I was hung up on.
So I said fuck it......I'm trading all my shit in for a PS3. So I did. And you know what?
I AM HAPPY NOW. HEHE.
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Microsoft: The George W. Bush of consumer electronics!
Four is a special number in my life these days. Four Xbox360 consoles I have had, all of which, have taken a shit. Four is also the number of times, as of this posting, in which Microsoft customer support has bent me over the ottoman, and fucked me in the ass. They have fucked up four times, not at actually at fixing the console, but at merely sending me the materials necessary to send them my broken console. Four times. I'm so fucking pissed, but I guess I should expect as much from a company like Microsoft.
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Cube (PSP)
Simply Retarded
Cube is a puzzle based game, wherein you control a moving cube across a terrain of 3D blocks, and try to collect a bunch of keys while avoiding traps like mines, quicksand, bombs, and boredom.
Why is does this game exist? Why does Sony litter the PSN store with shit like this? Sure the level editor will keep you occupied for awhile, but who wants to construct levels for a game as ugly as this one?
When will Microsoft send me a replacement 360? Will I then be able to review decent fucking games? Or will Sony surprise me with a decent title for the PSP?
Is it too much to ask these huge corporations like Microsoft and Sony to deliver on quality products? And when is Nintendo gonna come out with a game that doesn't involve my fitness? I don't wanna loose weight or quit smoking Nintendo! I WANT TO PLAY SOME DECENT VIDEO GAMES!
Cube is a puzzle based game, wherein you control a moving cube across a terrain of 3D blocks, and try to collect a bunch of keys while avoiding traps like mines, quicksand, bombs, and boredom.
Why is does this game exist? Why does Sony litter the PSN store with shit like this? Sure the level editor will keep you occupied for awhile, but who wants to construct levels for a game as ugly as this one?
When will Microsoft send me a replacement 360? Will I then be able to review decent fucking games? Or will Sony surprise me with a decent title for the PSP?
Is it too much to ask these huge corporations like Microsoft and Sony to deliver on quality products? And when is Nintendo gonna come out with a game that doesn't involve my fitness? I don't wanna loose weight or quit smoking Nintendo! I WANT TO PLAY SOME DECENT VIDEO GAMES!
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Star Trek: Tactical Assult (PSP)
An Intergalactic Mess:
This game stands as proof that often times the worst games have titles that have nothing to do with the actual game play. Case in point. Star Trek: Tactical Assault is not in any way tactical, save for the way that playing the game has slowly shredded away any enjoyment I gain from using my PSP.
You can make your vessel speed up and slow down. You can overcharge the phazers with the ship's backup power for a little extra punch. You can spin in a circle (Weeeeeeeee!), and you can fire the photon torpedo's. The shields are represented by a segmented circle that surrounds your ship. These segments, as they take damage, turn from green, to yellow, to red.
And after the last of your shields turn red, turn off the game because it's a steaming pile of otter shit.
You can't control power to the shields at all. The game leads you to believe that investing crew points into the shield's recharge ability will help recharge the shields. It won't help. Once those shields start taking damaged you are fucked, unless you warp to another system, which conveniently cannot be done during a battle, so uh ...yeah, you're fucked.
All the levels are dotted with planets and asteroids, which if you hit, kill you and the game is over. This is odd, because when you run into an enemy ship you pass through it like a playful fucking ghost. Also since there are no save points in any of the missions, you will need to start the mission over again from the beginning. The A.I. in the game are FUCKING SOUP NAZIS and it's not long before the game is throwing waves of them at you. With no way to control or repair the shields, its only a matter of time before the game gives you more enemies than you can actually survive an attack from. There are times that you fight alongside Federation vessels, but of course, you have no real control over these ships, as they are computer controlled, and thus making the game play even less tactical. Christ wept.
This game is just about outlasting the enemy waves, most of which are spent fighting in circles, one ship chasing the other ship by the tail, and every now and then you hit a planet and the game ends. Thank Christ.
This game stands as proof that often times the worst games have titles that have nothing to do with the actual game play. Case in point. Star Trek: Tactical Assault is not in any way tactical, save for the way that playing the game has slowly shredded away any enjoyment I gain from using my PSP.
You can make your vessel speed up and slow down. You can overcharge the phazers with the ship's backup power for a little extra punch. You can spin in a circle (Weeeeeeeee!), and you can fire the photon torpedo's. The shields are represented by a segmented circle that surrounds your ship. These segments, as they take damage, turn from green, to yellow, to red.
And after the last of your shields turn red, turn off the game because it's a steaming pile of otter shit.
You can't control power to the shields at all. The game leads you to believe that investing crew points into the shield's recharge ability will help recharge the shields. It won't help. Once those shields start taking damaged you are fucked, unless you warp to another system, which conveniently cannot be done during a battle, so uh ...yeah, you're fucked.
All the levels are dotted with planets and asteroids, which if you hit, kill you and the game is over. This is odd, because when you run into an enemy ship you pass through it like a playful fucking ghost. Also since there are no save points in any of the missions, you will need to start the mission over again from the beginning. The A.I. in the game are FUCKING SOUP NAZIS and it's not long before the game is throwing waves of them at you. With no way to control or repair the shields, its only a matter of time before the game gives you more enemies than you can actually survive an attack from. There are times that you fight alongside Federation vessels, but of course, you have no real control over these ships, as they are computer controlled, and thus making the game play even less tactical. Christ wept.
This game is just about outlasting the enemy waves, most of which are spent fighting in circles, one ship chasing the other ship by the tail, and every now and then you hit a planet and the game ends. Thank Christ.
Fall is here!
Fall is here people, so break out the cider, wrap yourself up in a ridiculously long scarf, and put on a fancy hat!!
While today may not technically be the first day of fall, I say....who gives a shit! It's fucking fall!! I say, leave the accuracy to the people who remind us of all the Jewish Holidays on the calendar. That's right, the Jews. Leave the precision to the Sons of David(?) and the rest of us will be outside, playing in the leaves and getting ready for Halloween!
Fall is, of course, next to Summer, the best time of year.
But what about those people who say that Spring or Winter are the next best times of year? Or the people who challenge Fall's number one spot as best season of all?
They're all wrong. Godless sodomites who practice rituals involving anal sex and blood drinking, they are all wrong. Fall is the best, and summer is the next best. If you agree, thats awesome, if you don't just remember, you're a Godless sodomite who takes it in the ass and consumes blood for nutrition. Case closed.
In addition to fall being already awesome and shit, this fall promises to be even more ridiculous than all other falls in recent memory, especially if you're a gamer. While the fall of 2007 had a few titles of note (Halo3 and COD4), this fall will see the release some of the most highly anticipated and action packed titles in recent memory. Fallout 3 (OMFG), Fable 2, and Call of Duty 5 are but a few of the many releases that are on their way to store this fall.
And I can only hope Microsoft repairs my 360 console (which RRoDed last month on an Orange Box update....fourth freaking console) in time for at least the release of Fallout 3. Or there will be bloodshed.
In the meanwhiles I'll be reviewing games on the Wii and the PSP. Like anybody really needs reviews for those consoles......BUT NEVER THE LESS THE REVIEWS WILL CONTINUE!
PRAISE FALL!
While today may not technically be the first day of fall, I say....who gives a shit! It's fucking fall!! I say, leave the accuracy to the people who remind us of all the Jewish Holidays on the calendar. That's right, the Jews. Leave the precision to the Sons of David(?) and the rest of us will be outside, playing in the leaves and getting ready for Halloween!
Fall is, of course, next to Summer, the best time of year.
But what about those people who say that Spring or Winter are the next best times of year? Or the people who challenge Fall's number one spot as best season of all?
They're all wrong. Godless sodomites who practice rituals involving anal sex and blood drinking, they are all wrong. Fall is the best, and summer is the next best. If you agree, thats awesome, if you don't just remember, you're a Godless sodomite who takes it in the ass and consumes blood for nutrition. Case closed.
In addition to fall being already awesome and shit, this fall promises to be even more ridiculous than all other falls in recent memory, especially if you're a gamer. While the fall of 2007 had a few titles of note (Halo3 and COD4), this fall will see the release some of the most highly anticipated and action packed titles in recent memory. Fallout 3 (OMFG), Fable 2, and Call of Duty 5 are but a few of the many releases that are on their way to store this fall.
And I can only hope Microsoft repairs my 360 console (which RRoDed last month on an Orange Box update....fourth freaking console) in time for at least the release of Fallout 3. Or there will be bloodshed.
In the meanwhiles I'll be reviewing games on the Wii and the PSP. Like anybody really needs reviews for those consoles......BUT NEVER THE LESS THE REVIEWS WILL CONTINUE!
PRAISE FALL!
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