Stand-Up Comedian in Pottstown

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Star Trek: Tactical Assult (PSP)

An Intergalactic Mess:

This game stands as proof that often times the worst games have titles that have nothing to do with the actual game play. Case in point. Star Trek: Tactical Assault is not in any way tactical, save for the way that playing the game has slowly shredded away any enjoyment I gain from using my PSP.

You can make your vessel speed up and slow down. You can overcharge the phazers with the ship's backup power for a little extra punch. You can spin in a circle (Weeeeeeeee!), and you can fire the photon torpedo's. The shields are represented by a segmented circle that surrounds your ship. These segments, as they take damage, turn from green, to yellow, to red.

And after the last of your shields turn red, turn off the game because it's a steaming pile of otter shit.

You can't control power to the shields at all. The game leads you to believe that investing crew points into the shield's recharge ability will help recharge the shields. It won't help. Once those shields start taking damaged you are fucked, unless you warp to another system, which conveniently cannot be done during a battle, so uh ...yeah, you're fucked.

All the levels are dotted with planets and asteroids, which if you hit, kill you and the game is over. This is odd, because when you run into an enemy ship you pass through it like a playful fucking ghost. Also since there are no save points in any of the missions, you will need to start the mission over again from the beginning. The A.I. in the game are FUCKING SOUP NAZIS and it's not long before the game is throwing waves of them at you. With no way to control or repair the shields, its only a matter of time before the game gives you more enemies than you can actually survive an attack from. There are times that you fight alongside Federation vessels, but of course, you have no real control over these ships, as they are computer controlled, and thus making the game play even less tactical. Christ wept.

This game is just about outlasting the enemy waves, most of which are spent fighting in circles, one ship chasing the other ship by the tail, and every now and then you hit a planet and the game ends. Thank Christ.

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