Two Worlds was a game that I first heard about in mid 2006. It was described then as an open-sandbox style medieval fantasy RPG, much like Oblivion but even better. But it wasn't. And nobody knew how much it wasn't until we all bought our copies of the game in 2007 and experienced total game failure. Total game failure that I don't think had been ever been experience on (what where then) next-gen consoles. I could go on and on about how, Two Worlds was one of the worst games I've ever played. Everything was bad. It wasn't an Oblivion killer, it was barely even a game. The graphics....oh Christ...the shitty...shitty..generic, repetitive graphics this game had. The generic story line. The horrible PS2 cut-scenes. The unrewarding combat system. The horse riding. The worst voice acting ever recorded. I officially stopped playing when I encountered a peasant with clothing so fucked up I couldn't tell if I was looking at chest hair and nipples or a design pattern. If not convinced of the appaling lack of anything great in Two Worlds, check out this short educational video.
So fast forward to a week ago. Or, actually rewind. Whatever. I'm looking for a new game to play, and I have so many options; Assassin's Creed: Brotherhood. Fable III. A bunch of other shit that's out of my recession budget. And then there's Two Worlds 2, available as a used copy (RED FLAG!), with a price I can afford.
They made a sequel? Wh-why?!
It's true, there is a sequel. And I had known about it for awhile. And tracked it's progress. And was aware that in beta testing, the game was supposed to be much better than the first one. But I did not know what the reviews were, and so I asked a Game Stop employee for a back copy of GI. The reviews were somewhat better than mediocre. GI gave it a 7.5, which really isn't that bad, that's like a B or a B minus. And the review said that if you could look past the flaws, it was a decent RPG to play until Dragon Age II or Skyrim come out.
So I bought it. And apparently at Game Stop if you buy a used game now, you have a full week to try it and if you don't like it you can bring it back in for a full refund. I drove home with my copy thinking "I'm going to play the shit out of this thing and beat it like 70 times in about two days, then trade it back in and buy another game. WINNING."
I got home, popped that shit in, and..well...the opening scene looked really good. Then I got to the part where I created my character, and that's were the failure started. While the creation system is much deeper in Two Worlds 2, I fucked up about 2 times and had to restart the whole game because the controls are so backwards that instead of exiting out of a menu I would inadvertently end the creation process and start the game.
By the time I actually started playing I noticed that the graphics were....kinda better. But the voice acting was still shit. GI claimed that this was part of the game's humor, but I didn't find it particularly endearing, and it only served to reinforce my initial belief that this game was going to be garbage.
And I was right. Because after playing the game for about forty minutes, I realized that there were still some serious problems that were present in the original Two Worlds that Reality Pump left in the sequel. For one, like the character creation menu, the controls in the game were all fucked up.
Ok so I have my sword equipped and, oh shit! Here come some baddies! Ok this is where I start kicking some as...how the fuck do I swing with my sword? Stop swinging with your fists! What the fuck? My sword is equipped, it's even hangin from my belt and...I"M FUCKING DEAD. THIS GAME SUCKS.
Apparently the problem was that, even though my sword was equipped, I needed to hit the down button on the D-pad to take it out. And that's something that takes a while to get used to, and is also unnecessarily complex. And that's a feature that runs rampant within the game-play of Two Worlds 2. Need to teleport somewhere? Good luck. You're going to need to figure how to do that since the instructions are non-existent and the teleportation system is so confusing. Want to sneak past the enemy? Seriously, good fucking luck. I can't even remember how to do it. I think you hold down a trigger or something, and have to be standing still first, and hold the joystick down and in the direction you want to go.
Then, right when I had almost figured all that shit out, the sound cut out. All of it. And then the game crashed. And I just took it back and bought Fable III with the refund I got from Two Worlds 2. According to the receipt, I owned the game for an hour and sixteen minutes.
Rating: Not worth playing for an hour and sixteen minutes
