Of course I'm talking about my relationship with Sony's Playstation 3. I don't know how to relate this to the average working class dick, but here goes...
Living with an Xbox 360 console was like dating the girl of your dreams, a beautiful girl with amazing personality and spirit, and then one day find out she had been a dude. But you got over that somehow, and things were fine for awhile, and then one night you pull the sheets back on your lover, and she's grown a big ol' cock. Now you are both confused, but decide to make the best of the situation, and spend the evening playing swords. You wake up the next morning, and for no plausible reason, the girl has turned into a huge set of dick and balls made out of tuna casserole.
At this point your thinking that there are probably other, better fish in the sea, so you dump the chick. You really like this gal but she's just too unpredictable. Not long after you dump the last girl, you decide to start pursuing a relationship with another female. This girl is fucking retarded, but you can get past her total inability to keep herself from licking every car window in site. This chick is an ex-porn star with enough money in the bank to allow you to retire and just fuck her brains out all day. Which is what you do after marrying her. You can do this and sleep at night because your better off now than before. A shape shifting transsexual tuna casserole dildo is, after all is said and done......really, really fucked up no matter how you spin it.
"Besides ," you say to yourself " it's not like retarded people get more retarded as they age. That shit would be retarded". And then like every night before you fall asleep, you punch yourself in the balls.
That's what switching to a PS3 was like for me. I was that man who punches himself in the nuts every night before bed. My PS3 was that porno actress, who, due to her mental retardation, licked nearly as many car windows as she did ball sacks. And that little water head princess keeps getting more, and more retarded. When Sony released the beta of Home, my little angle banged her head against a dead cow's festering ass for a solid week. I can hardly wait until the next bundle of PSP titles come out! She'll finally have the courage to dry hump that grain thresher she's been eyeing all winter! Hail Satan!
